Ok, so the title of this post might be a little far-fetched. I am by no means an expert in pregnancy or all of the emotions etc. that come after the birth BUT I have been through it and I think I have a few worth-while tips to offer moms-to-be or even new moms. Keep in mind that I am still a 'new mom' myself but, the New Mom I'll be referring to is the one up to around 2 months post partum. With that, I'll get started.
1. Get as much sleep as you can.- You will hear over and over how 'You will never have a peaceful nights sleep again' or something to that affect. Let me be the one to tell you, it's the truth! Even if you're blessed with a perfect child who sleeps through the night from day one (fyi-That will never, ever happen. They will need to eat) you will be peering into their bassinet/crib/whatevertheysleepin to make sure the blanket hasn't worked it's way into their face and holding your finger under their nose to make sure they are breathing. Once they've grown past the stage of needing to eat during the night, even if they sleep through the entire night chances are you won't, and if you do, it won't be that peaceful slumber that you once had. The 'mommy' in you is still 100% awake and ready to jump out of bed at the slightest whimper that rings through the baby monitor.
2. Spend quality time with your significant other. - Enjoy the time that you have left as a 'couple' before you become a 'family'. Go on dates often, cuddle, TALK- and not just about the baby. These are the last moments you will have with just you and him. When the baby arrives it will be difficult to spend quality time together and impossible to do so without interruptions. You are probably ACHING to meet your baby, but really, just take some time to enjoy each other.
3. Don't be in a hurry.- I wish I would have listened when people were telling me this. Your pregnancy WILL fly by and your baby will be here before you know it. Enjoy your pregnancy and the experiences you have with each stage of it. You won't miss the heartburn, feet in your ribs, or waddling around like an out of breath penguin but you will miss those little flutters and kicks in your belly all too soon.
1. Get as much sleep as you can.- You will hear over and over how 'You will never have a peaceful nights sleep again' or something to that affect. Let me be the one to tell you, it's the truth! Even if you're blessed with a perfect child who sleeps through the night from day one (fyi-That will never, ever happen. They will need to eat) you will be peering into their bassinet/crib/whatevertheysleepin to make sure the blanket hasn't worked it's way into their face and holding your finger under their nose to make sure they are breathing. Once they've grown past the stage of needing to eat during the night, even if they sleep through the entire night chances are you won't, and if you do, it won't be that peaceful slumber that you once had. The 'mommy' in you is still 100% awake and ready to jump out of bed at the slightest whimper that rings through the baby monitor.
2. Spend quality time with your significant other. - Enjoy the time that you have left as a 'couple' before you become a 'family'. Go on dates often, cuddle, TALK- and not just about the baby. These are the last moments you will have with just you and him. When the baby arrives it will be difficult to spend quality time together and impossible to do so without interruptions. You are probably ACHING to meet your baby, but really, just take some time to enjoy each other.
3. Don't be in a hurry.- I wish I would have listened when people were telling me this. Your pregnancy WILL fly by and your baby will be here before you know it. Enjoy your pregnancy and the experiences you have with each stage of it. You won't miss the heartburn, feet in your ribs, or waddling around like an out of breath penguin but you will miss those little flutters and kicks in your belly all too soon.
4. Prepare yourself mentally. - Birth is a beautiful thing, but labor certainly is not. It is highly uncomfortable painful, there are parts of it that are downright gross, and by the end of it, modesty will be a thing of the past, believe me, but the truth of the matter is that once your baby is placed in your arms, you will completely forget about all of it. Why else would women go through this more than once?!
5. Don't cut the tags off of their clothes! - I should've listened to my mother in law. There are so many outfits that my son never got to wear but I just HAD to wash and put away his clothes before he even got here. DON'T DO IT because later you will be going "What am I supposed to do with this now? He never even wore it!" Keep the tags on the clothes until you've put them on and made sure they fit. If they're too small, take them back for a new outfit that will fit!
New Mom
6. Dealing with mommy guilt.- I felt guilty when my son was first born because I thought that I would just have this instantaneous 'bond' with him, and I did, but it wasn't what I thought it would be. From the moment I first laid eyes on him yes, I loved him more than anything in the entire world, but later, after the initial high of 'the birth' wore off, I felt.....detatched. (That's the only world I could think to explain it. I felt like "I don't know this person, all I know is I love him more than life itself" Frankly, I was SCARED and confused. I had never cared for a newborn before! I had most certainly never had a LIFE solely dependant on ME! I was so very in love, and so very overwhelmed. My point is, if you don't feel that immediate 'connection' don't feel bad! My mom felt the same way when I was born. It is natural. As long as you are loving, caring, and nurturing, the bond and connection will develop naturally. and before you know it this teeny tiny person will be the very reason you breath.
7. 'Breast is best' blah blah blah- Yes, I do agree that breast is best. Yes, I think that everyone should try it and if it works out, stick with it. The first two weeks are the hardest but after that, it's easy peasy. HOWEVER- sometimes it just doesn't work out. Sometimes you don't make enough milk, sometimes the baby won't latch in which case you could pump but sometimes the pump doesn't work either. There are SO many situations in which breastfeeding just isn't going to happen. In my case, Dakota was a naturally good latcher. I made plenty of milk, everything was going well, but there was one BIG problem. My milk was FAR too lean. By lean, I mean almost no fat whatsoever. My baby was hardly gaining any weight! I didn't realize this was the problem and I was so against formula feeding that I just kept breastfeeding and wondering why my son wanted to nurse LITERALLY ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I was exhausted, he was cranky and far too small for his age. I finally broke down and gave him formula and it kept him full! I decided to breastfeed most of the time and give him the occasional bottle of formula. Eventually he went to more bottles and less breast and then around 6 months, switched completely to formula. And you know what? We're all a lot better off! Dakota is fat and happy and mommy isn't exhausted and on the verge of tears because she can't do anything but nurse all day! I saw some sort of logo or picture the other day that was a mother with the baby on the breast and another with the baby on a bottle. Beneath it, it said, "I am fed. You are a good mommy." I couldn't agree more.
8. You will look like crap.- I used to be the 'wouldn't leave the house without a full face of makeup and perfect hair' kind of girl. After I had Koda? Psh! Forget about it! I tried that for a while but I've come to realize, I have a baby to take care of and a house to run. So what if at the end of the day I'm still in my pajama's, my hair is tied up in a messy bun and my eyes have bags under them? My baby is happy and well cared for, my house is (hopefully) clean, and dinner is made. If I happen to find time to put on jeans and a bra...well...that just means I get extra points because I am SUPERMOM!
9 Don't worry.- I am known for worrying. It is what I do and I do it well. With babies, it's especially easy to drive yourself crazy with worry. Is he eating enough? Is he sleeping too much? Should he have hit this milestone by now? STOP IT! As long as your baby is healthy and interactive EVERYTHING IS FINE! As far as milestones go, every baby is different. Some do things very early, some skip certain things all together. Let them do their thing and sit back and enjoy watching them learn and grow.
10. Don't neglect your significant other.-It is extremely easy for this baby to occupy every place in your heart and your head but, make sure you are making time for Daddy. Not only is he overwhelmed by the new addition, he's most likely feeling left out and probably a little jealous. He is used to having you all to himself and all of the sudden this baby is taking up your every waking moment. Just as you are trying to acclimate yourself to motherhood, he is trying to acclimate himself to fatherhood. He may not feel that 'bond' as quickly as you do. Give him time, soon he will be wrapped around that babies finger. This isn't what I was getting at though- Your husband is your 'forever relationship'. Yes, you will be tied to your child forever, but one day, that child will grow up and start having a life of their own and you and your husband will be left with each other. This is why there is a thing called 'Empty Nest Syndrome'. Parents forget that, in the end, it is their relationship that they will be left with for life, so DON'T let the fire die out!! Get a babysitter once a month for a date night. Say 'I love you' with conviction, be flirtatious!! Do whatever you have to do to keep your love alive! Besides, that's the reason you have a baby anyway, right? ;)
11. MOST IMPORTANTLY, Be confident and Trust yourself!- I've spent a lot of my life trying to be a certain way for certain people and always falling short. Because of it, I have a lack of confidence in almost everything, except when it comes to being a mom. If there is one thing I am proud of and one thing I know I'm good at in this life, it's being a mommy. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that my child KNOWS how much I love him. He is cherished, well cared for, and healthy. I may ask for advice and have questions from time to time but at the end of the day, no matter what advice I'm given, no matter what anyone says, I am going to go with my instinct. Motherly instinct is a fascinating gift from God and it is how you learn to become the best mother you can be. As long as you know in your heart of hearts that every decision you make, and everything you do is in the best interest of your child, you are a fantastic mother. Be confident in that! If you find yourself lacking confidence, or if you just don't know what to do in any given situation, The Man Upstairs has always led me down the right path. <3
5. Don't cut the tags off of their clothes! - I should've listened to my mother in law. There are so many outfits that my son never got to wear but I just HAD to wash and put away his clothes before he even got here. DON'T DO IT because later you will be going "What am I supposed to do with this now? He never even wore it!" Keep the tags on the clothes until you've put them on and made sure they fit. If they're too small, take them back for a new outfit that will fit!
New Mom
6. Dealing with mommy guilt.- I felt guilty when my son was first born because I thought that I would just have this instantaneous 'bond' with him, and I did, but it wasn't what I thought it would be. From the moment I first laid eyes on him yes, I loved him more than anything in the entire world, but later, after the initial high of 'the birth' wore off, I felt.....detatched. (That's the only world I could think to explain it. I felt like "I don't know this person, all I know is I love him more than life itself" Frankly, I was SCARED and confused. I had never cared for a newborn before! I had most certainly never had a LIFE solely dependant on ME! I was so very in love, and so very overwhelmed. My point is, if you don't feel that immediate 'connection' don't feel bad! My mom felt the same way when I was born. It is natural. As long as you are loving, caring, and nurturing, the bond and connection will develop naturally. and before you know it this teeny tiny person will be the very reason you breath.
7. 'Breast is best' blah blah blah- Yes, I do agree that breast is best. Yes, I think that everyone should try it and if it works out, stick with it. The first two weeks are the hardest but after that, it's easy peasy. HOWEVER- sometimes it just doesn't work out. Sometimes you don't make enough milk, sometimes the baby won't latch in which case you could pump but sometimes the pump doesn't work either. There are SO many situations in which breastfeeding just isn't going to happen. In my case, Dakota was a naturally good latcher. I made plenty of milk, everything was going well, but there was one BIG problem. My milk was FAR too lean. By lean, I mean almost no fat whatsoever. My baby was hardly gaining any weight! I didn't realize this was the problem and I was so against formula feeding that I just kept breastfeeding and wondering why my son wanted to nurse LITERALLY ALL DAY EVERY DAY. I was exhausted, he was cranky and far too small for his age. I finally broke down and gave him formula and it kept him full! I decided to breastfeed most of the time and give him the occasional bottle of formula. Eventually he went to more bottles and less breast and then around 6 months, switched completely to formula. And you know what? We're all a lot better off! Dakota is fat and happy and mommy isn't exhausted and on the verge of tears because she can't do anything but nurse all day! I saw some sort of logo or picture the other day that was a mother with the baby on the breast and another with the baby on a bottle. Beneath it, it said, "I am fed. You are a good mommy." I couldn't agree more.
8. You will look like crap.- I used to be the 'wouldn't leave the house without a full face of makeup and perfect hair' kind of girl. After I had Koda? Psh! Forget about it! I tried that for a while but I've come to realize, I have a baby to take care of and a house to run. So what if at the end of the day I'm still in my pajama's, my hair is tied up in a messy bun and my eyes have bags under them? My baby is happy and well cared for, my house is (hopefully) clean, and dinner is made. If I happen to find time to put on jeans and a bra...well...that just means I get extra points because I am SUPERMOM!
9 Don't worry.- I am known for worrying. It is what I do and I do it well. With babies, it's especially easy to drive yourself crazy with worry. Is he eating enough? Is he sleeping too much? Should he have hit this milestone by now? STOP IT! As long as your baby is healthy and interactive EVERYTHING IS FINE! As far as milestones go, every baby is different. Some do things very early, some skip certain things all together. Let them do their thing and sit back and enjoy watching them learn and grow.
10. Don't neglect your significant other.-It is extremely easy for this baby to occupy every place in your heart and your head but, make sure you are making time for Daddy. Not only is he overwhelmed by the new addition, he's most likely feeling left out and probably a little jealous. He is used to having you all to himself and all of the sudden this baby is taking up your every waking moment. Just as you are trying to acclimate yourself to motherhood, he is trying to acclimate himself to fatherhood. He may not feel that 'bond' as quickly as you do. Give him time, soon he will be wrapped around that babies finger. This isn't what I was getting at though- Your husband is your 'forever relationship'. Yes, you will be tied to your child forever, but one day, that child will grow up and start having a life of their own and you and your husband will be left with each other. This is why there is a thing called 'Empty Nest Syndrome'. Parents forget that, in the end, it is their relationship that they will be left with for life, so DON'T let the fire die out!! Get a babysitter once a month for a date night. Say 'I love you' with conviction, be flirtatious!! Do whatever you have to do to keep your love alive! Besides, that's the reason you have a baby anyway, right? ;)
11. MOST IMPORTANTLY, Be confident and Trust yourself!- I've spent a lot of my life trying to be a certain way for certain people and always falling short. Because of it, I have a lack of confidence in almost everything, except when it comes to being a mom. If there is one thing I am proud of and one thing I know I'm good at in this life, it's being a mommy. I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that my child KNOWS how much I love him. He is cherished, well cared for, and healthy. I may ask for advice and have questions from time to time but at the end of the day, no matter what advice I'm given, no matter what anyone says, I am going to go with my instinct. Motherly instinct is a fascinating gift from God and it is how you learn to become the best mother you can be. As long as you know in your heart of hearts that every decision you make, and everything you do is in the best interest of your child, you are a fantastic mother. Be confident in that! If you find yourself lacking confidence, or if you just don't know what to do in any given situation, The Man Upstairs has always led me down the right path. <3
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